Padfoot's Secret
by Captain James
Summary: Padfoot had a secret that day, and Remus simply had to find out what it was. (One-shot, slash)


**Title:** Padfoot's Secret

**Rating:** G

**Beta-reader:** Rosie

**Summary:** Padfoot had a secret that day, and Remus simply _had_ to find out what it was.

**Pairing:** Remus/Sirius

**Genre(s):** Romance

**Labels:** One-shot

**Author's Notes:** Christmas gift for Rhysdux. :)

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I remember thinking that you had to have a reason for avoiding me all day, and yet grin at me when our gazes met during class or in a corridor, or even at lunch, when you sat three seats away from me. You had to have a secret, a secret that involved me in some way.

I remember asking James, 'What's up with Padfoot?'

'He's got a secret,' he told me, elbowing me lightly in the ribs before walking away.

And I remember asking Peter, later, 'Do you know what's up with Padfoot, Wormtail?'

He looked up at me with round, slightly-wider-than-usual eyes and shook his head, muttering, 'I can't tell, I'm sorry, he told me not to tell...' as he, too, walked away.

So I was left alone, wondering what on earth could be so secret that you wouldn't want me to know. That's when it hit me, the secret had to involve _me_ in some way. And I was right, wasn't I, Sirius?

It was too warm for my liking that day, so I went outside; it's always cooler by the lake. I saw Wormtail and Prongs there, under the thin shadow of some bushes. They started snickering and making gestures when they saw me, and I hoped they could see me rolling my eyes from that distance. But you weren't there.

I went up to the Gryffindor Tower, simply because it was the first place that came to mind when I wondered where else you could be. I remember the Fat Lady smiling at me when I told her the entry password, and thinking that maybe she knew your secret, too. Maybe the whole school knew about it, except me.

The door to our dormitory was closed, but I didn't knock. Perhaps I thought you weren't going to be there. You were, though. And you weren't pleased when I discovered you wrapping a small object with clumsy hands.

I swore to you I hadn't seen what you were wrapping, that I wasn't going to peek under the mattress where you had hidden it, that Prongs and Wormtail hadn't told me anything. I even went as far as assuring you that I was certain the dormitory was empty and you were outside with the others. An insignificant half-lie, wouldn't you say? Yes, you understand, I'm sure.

In the end, you kicked me out of the room—not so figuratively, may I add—and told me that I wasn't to talk to you again until you saw fit, because I had been disrespectful and egoistic. Well, perhaps not in so many words, but that's basically what you meant.

You didn't mean it, and I knew that. That's why I didn't feel hurt or guilty, I think. I went back down to the Entrance Hall and walked around it aimlessly for a while before finally deciding to go into the Great Hall and sit down for dinner. I remember wondering how long it'd take Prongs' and Wormtail's stomachs to start complaining to their respective owners about the lack of food.

I must admit, I was quite taken aback when you came into the Great Hall and sat down next to me that evening. You had a quasi-offended air to you that made me smile inwardly. Of course I didn't allow myself to show it outwardly, though.

No one talked more than the absolute necessary during dinner. Wormtail frowned at you a couple of times, I don't know if you noticed. But you can't have missed James' snickering and loud snort when he asked you to pass him the onion rings. I'll never forget your face at that moment; you tried to look outraged, but it was obviously hard when you couldn't hold the corners of your lips down.

I didn't understand then, but your eyes were sparkling, and I was happy.

Something almost tangible was hanging in the air between us when we went to bed later that night. The four of us were pretending that it was just another night, a night like any of the hundreds we had spent in that room. The nonchalance was obviously forced, but in an exciting sort of way, as if we were all hiding something from an imaginary outsider among us.

You put off the lights before I had properly gotten under the covers. Yes, I do remember that. A tiny retribution that did not go unnoticed by me, as you knew it wouldn't. But it was a friendly retribution, and I swear I could almost _hear _you grinning in your bed at the other end of the room.

Sleep would not come. Something was keeping me awake, something that I couldn't pinpoint at the moment but that kept my whole body on edge, and it was all I could do to keep from jumping off the bed and start pacing around. A strange tingling crept up my back and then went down to the tip of my toes. My head was full to bursting with thoughts that I couldn't make out, feelings that I couldn't decipher. I'm sure you must have felt that way, too, sometime, when something important happened to you during the day and you couldn't stop thinking about it long enough to fall asleep. I felt like I was acutely aware of everything around me, every movement in the darkness, every hushed sound...

But I wasn't. I only knew you were beside my bed when you called my name in a whisper. I turned around quickly. I don't think I was startled, no. It was more like anticipation, I'd say.

You took my hand and pulled me up from the bed, told me we were going out. I didn't understand; my mind was as foggy as if I had just woken up. I grabbed my robes and tried to put them on as we made our way to the door. I'm not sure how much noise all the things I tripped up with and knocked over made, but I don't think the others woke up.

'Up,' you said, and practically hauled me up a narrow staircase behind a door in the common room. You were holding my hand again, but it felt so natural that I hadn't realised until you tugged on it. My feet were having trouble trying to process the orders my brain—and all your pushing and shoving—sent them.

The staircase kept getting narrower and narrower, colder and colder. But the cold was not unpleasant, no. And, truth be told, neither was the narrowness, for it brought you closer to me.

It also kept getting darker, which only added to the thrill of it all. Something important was about to happen, I knew it. You were going to tell me your secret. But why were you taking me this way? Why not tell me in the common room? It was, after all, late enough for anyone to get up from bed and interrupt us.

A clicking sound was all the warning I had before a blinding brightness made me close my eyes. You guided me up the last steps, holding me more firmly than needed. Not that I minded, of course.

When at last I dared to open my eyes, I realised, squinting, that we were up on the roofs of the castle, and the blinding brightness was, in fact, feeble moonlight bouncing off the stone bricks. Slowly my eyes adjusted to the light, and I was able to appreciate the beauty of the sight before them. The sky seemed impossible full of stars, the grounds a sea disconnecting us from the world beyond. This was a "special" secret, then. I couldn't keep a grin off my face.

'Nice, huh?' you asked. Your voice pulled me back down to earth and to the present. I couldn't help myself; I _had_ to ask, even if I knew you were going to tell me soon anyway. So I did. And again, you weren't happy about it. 'So you know, then? Who told you about it?' I told you I just knew you had a secret, and that's why I was asking what it was about, but that wasn't convincing enough for you.

You were in a surprisingly good mood, though, because you backed off the coming argument immediately and went back to close the door. 'Close your eyes,' you asked me before turning back around to face me. And what else could I do but comply?

I'm sure you noticed I was a bit nervous when you took my hand and led me forwards. Forwards towards the edge I knew you weren't going to push me down, but being led around with your eyes closed is a bit unsettling, wouldn't you say? Especially if you are standing on a roof hundreds of feet up from the ground. Well, perhaps not _hundreds_. In any case, I dearly hoped you were looking where you were going and not at me.

By now, I could feel you were as nervous as I was. Your hands were shaking, as were mine. I think I heard you gasping shallowly instead of breathing normally, but then again, there was a light breeze blowing and it could have been that.

'Up,' you said again, when my feet hit something hard. The seconds that it took me to step up that low barrier seemed like ages. You went up first and tugged at my hand. Emptying my brain of all thought except the feeling of your warmness close to mine in the chill air, I stepped up onto the edge of the roof. You told me to open my eyes.

The sensation of gravity pulling me down into the endless darkness below was breathtaking. 'Don't worry,' you said, 'I'm holding you,' and that made my heart skip a beat.

I tried not to look to impatient when you drew out of your pocket that small object I had seen you wrapping earlier. That was your secret, that was it, and I was finally going to know. A million possibilities raced through my mind; an extremely difficult-to-get item for a special prank, a funny photograph of someone slipping on a banana skin, a spicy magazine, even an expensive gift from your family. Yes, I know how stupid that last idea sounds now, but at the moment I couldn't think of anything else. Of course none of my guesses were right.

'Moony,' you started, and then corrected it to 'Remus.' Yes, this was definitely important, and it was probably serious as well. But you were smiling, so it wasn't bad news.

'I care for you, Remus. A lot. We are just about to graduate, finish school forever, and we won't be together all the time like we are together now, and I want us to be together, so-'

You stopped, looking confused. Maybe you realised you sounded like you didn't know what you were saying.

'Wait,' you said. I asked you what was wrong; I didn't care you were blabbering if it meant I was going to know your secret. 'Wait, it wasn't like that. Finish school forever, and we won't be together all the time like...all the time like we are together now- No, all the time like we are now...Wait.'

You let go of my hand and started searching for something in the folds of your robes and the pockets of your pyjamas until you found a small, crumpled bit of parchment. 'Here it is,' you announced, and started reading it. 'I care for you a lot, Remus. We are just about to graduate, finish school forever, and we won't be together all the time like we are now. I want us to be together, so I am going to give you this,' he held up the small object, his eyes never leaving the parchment, 'so we can continue to be together after school, and forever.' Only then you looked up at me. 'It didn't sound so crappy when I wrote it, I swear.'

But I didn't care. All that mattered to me at the moment was that you felt as strongly for me as I felt for you. I even forgot about the mysterious gift when I kissed you for a few blissful moments.

Then you asked me to guess what the gift was. I told you not to be silly, or some other half-hearted taunt, and grabbed the object from your hand. The wrapping paper was not easy to tear, but when at last I had the small box bare in my hand, it took me a moment to gather the courage to open it. Something curved shone inside.

'A ring?' I regret now having asked that, but apparently you didn't seem to think it was rude.

'A key,' you corrected me. 'Disguised. I bought a small place near Merwyn Town last summer, with the money Uncle Alphard gave me. Do you want to come live with me after we finish school?'

I don't need to try hard to remember the joy I felt then. I still feel shivers of excitement run up my spine when I think of that night, that moment when you showed me you truly wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. The moment when I realised that only immeasurable love could fit into such a small token.

Every time my thoughts became too grim and depressing, every time the memory of you kept me awake at night, I remembered that moment, and I felt the joy and excitement all over again, as if it had happened only yesterday.

And now you are here. You tell me again that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, and you show me you mean it. This time you didn't give me a key, but invited me to live with you anyway. Grimmauld Place needs someone to stay there, and it's going to be us.

We are going to make it a happy place, you'll see, and after the war is over we'll sell it, and sell this place too, and buy a big house in Hogsmeade where Harry can come visit us, bring a girlfriend or two, and who knows, maybe kids as well.

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End file.
